This was a question that I have been asked almost daily for years. i never really knew how to answer at any given moment.
What did i want, anyway? Whenever they asked me, the answer always seemed to whatever was needed at the moment, most of the time, anyway. Of course there were those moments when i just got sick of it and replied that it didn’t matter what he wanted. None of it was up to me anyway. i only got what i asked for if it was deemed acceptable. That was how i saw it anyway……..i wanted to be tight with GOD, BFFF, compadres, comrades, confidants…….but i knew that it was a moot point. GOD already knew all and everything about him, past, present and future. i only knew whatever i could handle at any given moment about GOD. The THING was immense, after all…infinite, eternal, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent…i had figured out how all of that worked….i got that far with it…i understood that it was friendly, loving, giving, forgiving, approachable, likeable, loveable, adorable….GOD was a good guy…..IT really was a Father and Best Friend Forever…..but you had to be the same for IT as IT was for you. IT couldn’t really do with you much more than you were willing to do with it. IT could give on iTs level, back to you, from ITs perspective and position, the same attention that you were willing to give to IT. At the same time IT was always trying to help you to get there….there…that somewhere that you were apparently designed for, to be and to do….IT was always right there with you, the whole time, willing and able and ready to whatever it took to guide you as lovingly as possible into that slot that was only meant for you.
But there was always that nagging question
I want to be free
I want to know what real freedom is and I want that freedom
I want to be with you people…out there…over there…wherever you are in the difference of perception that always seems to separate us so that I can’t see you most of the time and the few glimpses that I have had, are fleeting, like out of the corner of my eye and I turn to look and it’s gone [cue Pink Floyd]
And so…yes….i make myself comfortably numb……because I don’t know what to do to get to where I am supposed to be in order to do what I am supposed to do
And I know that I am getting there
Step by step
Inch by inch
And that’s all well and good
But what do I want?
I want this to be over with
I want this slavery and oppression to be over with
I want these….false things that insist that they are human when they’re not….gone
Taken away
However to where ever…I don’t’ care anymore
I don’t wish harm to anyone
Even thought they would have no problem with harming all and anyone….
But, but, but
I want to be free

Free from slavery in all of its forms
Debt slavery
Wage slavery
My mind is free
And still I hold onto the things that chain me
Because I have learned to enjoy them
The sex, the drugs, the rock and roll
The TV and movies and video games
The music
The thrill of it
I don’t know anything else
I don’t know what freedom is
I’ve never experienced it here
But I want it
I want it because of what I feel it is and could be and should be and would be
In reality
And I don’t really know
The real reality
I want freedom from limitation
But my mind isn’t disciplined enough to handle it
The power the power of having what you think….as reality
The real reality that I always imagined
Never knowing if it was really real or not
Like those episodes of Bewitched….that I used to watch on TV…
That show ruined me for life
I knew it wasn’t real
But I knew that was the way we were supposed to be
The way that I was supposed to be and not this false illusion of a false reality that I and we and us have been forced to endure and accept enough to believe in
And I never believed in it enough to accept it….
We are creators, dammit……we are supposed to be creators
Not just materially and physically and artistically and musically
But mentally and soulfully and spiritually…..creators…not just creative…creators….
To create like GOD creates
And the whole experience of learning and exploring and discovering how to do and be that
To do as be is… GOD is…….

Maybe not being able to do it all in just one little human life on earth is what’s killing me…..
What do I want?
That’s what I want
To be my real self
To be my true self
All of it in full
Full power all the time
Is that even possible
Can I still be here and do stuff like that?
How does it all work anyway?
Heck….i dunno
I’m just beginning to learn this aspect of it all
But I will get there….
Dunno where or what I will be when I finally grok the thing enough to be and do the thing
But the thing is mine and I will be one with it
That’s all I know
I don’t know what it will take to get there
I only know that I will get there
Because of myself and in spate of myself
I will get there
That’ all I know
What do I want?
I want to be there already.
Like I had been this way…..that way…all along
Knowing exactly what to do and be and how and when and where and why to do it
Because I will have that thing back that I gave up when I came here
I will be who and what I am really am….once again
I in i
We as one
As we have always been
As we really are
How’s that for a final answer?


This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to PROJECT EXCERPT 1

  1. quantum999 says:

    “quantum physics… scientists…. physicists…. ”
    Kibo, is that you… ?

    “I disagree with the whole big bang theory….”
    I disagree also, but I used the term big-bang because it’s easier for people to understand. Actually, it is called Creation-Point, and the whole Creation started, and unfolded through that point.

    “life is eternal and infinite… a continuing and endless creation”
    Yes, it is continue and endless, but it’s fragmented, made from ‘pieces’ that go in cycles, called Creations.

    “not a one of us was there and there is nothing that gives us any conclusive evidence of what is what and who and when and where”
    I see, you want witnesses to testify. Well, high up there there is no time and space… so I am covered. And there are books, those special ones which are knowledge, wisdom shared. Especially when they were written by great Masters like Shakyamuni, Meher Baba, Quan Yin, CM… That’s the reason they come here, to share their knowledge.

    “the end was known before the beginning”
    Of course, God doesn’t care about the outcome because the ultimate outcome is assured. This is one of the greatest illusion (that creates fear), that the outcome of life is in doubt. When one reaches the highest levels, he becomes aware that his will is God will, while the low conscious beings are not aware of that.

    “which means that the whole center of things is larger and wider that all of the whole and all that is”…
    Yes, that larger and wider than all of the whole… it’s called Absolute. Before the beginning of any Creation there was nothing: no matter, no energy, no space… just an absolute vacuum. God was in a tranquil sleep state as a limitless Absolute, and do to a whim/urge He suddenly woke up and asked Itself “Who am I?”. He didn’t know because He was in an unconscious state. At that moment suddenly the first Creation started. It manifested, came out through a point called Creation-Point (Big-Bang).

    Other than that… how are you


    • kibodabi says:

      so thank you for this!!!!!!!
      but I remember….reading somewhere……..that there seems to this whole mess of….energy/energies that was just there….all loose…..and….for some reason……they would come together and go back out…..I guess like breathing….I guess…….but as they came together, something was happening….an awareness…..began to form…more and more each time…until finally… the thing was aware enough to consciously keep itself together……and so I did….and worked with that…I guess….and figured itself out….and then acted on all of that…..and did that and then that and then this and now that there and so on…..and here we are…..but in the meantime…all that we have is basically secondhand… we can best comprehend it…….in our own way……I won’t go inot if anything is lost in translation…….but there and here it all is all at the same time ad we just have this little speck of it to deal with and that is more than enough to drive us nuts…..
      I do know through my own experience that the whole thing is one thing and that the force/energy of it permeates throughout the whole….space and time don’t really matter as they are just mechanisms of perception….something to do with being able to actually experience singular moments and events…….but I do like and appreciate the Creation Point label….waaaay cooler and better……..and all the interior creations are just parts of the one Creation that is the living thing that made all of this out of Itself……and it just keeps on going…..and small and large lose their respective meanings and exist with and within each other….paradox loses meaning as well….but who can wrap their head around all that but The One that made it all so?
      other than that….I seem to be making my way through to where I am supposed to be going….we will see where I end up……sigh……ah well……thanks again…..kibo


    • Brian says:



      • Brian says:

        hmm…actually, when you say before any creation there was nothing…..true….true…but more than that it was already there… its consequence as it were….waiting to be born…to be realized…..all potential(s) are ‘there’ in a giant egg……within that embryo is you and you and you et al… you see that this nothing is really something for us to realize……those in the egg, so to speak…


        • quantum999 says:

          Nothing as in not manifested, being there in a latent form. The Creation manifests from Nothing. Imagine a container inside another container, inside another container: Everything —> Nothing —> Creation
          It is called Nothing because the entire Creation is an illusion = Nothing

          We, you and me… and maybe Kibo, we were not there. There was only God in a latent form, and when Creation starts God splits in myriad units which become souls (you and me… and maybe Kibo). Then, at some point in the evolution of our consciousness we become self-aware. That happens when we become humans, when we gain full consciousness: consciousness and awareness. Animals have consciousness, but not awareness. It goes like this: in the beginning of our evolution we have consciousness, then we have consciousness and awareness, then, when we reach high levels, we have again only consciousness… divine consciousness.


  2. quantum999 says:

    “WHAT DO YOU WANT? This was a question that I have been asked almost daily for years.”

    Deep at the core, what every being/soul wants is to be one with God. This is the drive, the engine that push all of us in our journey back home. Because we are at different levels of consciousness, that drive expresses itself as desire which can take different form of expression. It is that drive that gives us that joy-de-vivre, to be curious, to try, to fall in love, to fight for freedom, to be a hero, to create and discover, to meditate, to want more…

    But once we get something and enjoy it… months, days even hours later we feel empty again, unhappy, unfulfilled. And then, we start looking for something else, bigger, better and then again, the emptiness, the unfulfilness. And slowly, slowly we get closer and closer to that thing, to that source that gives us something we cannot quite explain, but we know that’s the right direction, that’s the path we have to walk… because NOTHING ELSE MATTER.

    This desire to be one with God is the true meaning of “our journey back home”. Even when we get back, and we are one with God, we still retain our ID. You are both: one with God and you. And finally, at the end of Creation, every being return to God… all the drops become the Ocean.

    And then another Big-Bang, and another Creation starts, and God which is Mind, splits again in myriad units, and those tiny Mind units become what we call Souls. And each Soul starts to find its way home to become one with God, again. And the whole cycle starts again, Creation, after Creation… FOREVER.


    • kibodabi says:

      while I agree with you for the most part…….I have a differing opinion in the matter…..
      that is our inherent and spiritual adamant and necessary mode of compelled actions and choices in the matter……we, ultimately are given a choice in the matter….
      we can agree or disagree with GOD…….and this is our struggle on this plane at this point of being and existence on this planet. We can choose to say yea or nay…and such is our situation here…..and we must decide once and for all time and space who will come out on top in such a situation…those who say yea or those who say nay…I disagree with the whole big bang theory….I believe that the whole thing was created as whole and then…..experienced a WILLED….this is all a form of thought, after all……the whole of creation is a thought form…it just may very well have eased into being and existence…..after all….who was there to sy but the ones responsible?
      what was a sudden bang to us. could be something else in perception to those responsible……nebulae and essence and energies all mixing….but let that be what it is…I matters not…not a one of us was there and there is nothing that gives us any conclusive evidence of what is what and who and when and where…….but and still….the only thing that remains constant is the energy of consciousness…..quantum physics it is called here……the whole of creation…scientists….physicists…. agree on this point…now… is the result of a thought and thus….in my estimation….a single thought and that is still continuing onto eternity and infinity……
      my belief…my opinion is that GOD take all that are……able….to expand the whole of the Paradise Isle…..either that or the whole thing was known before the beginning….which means that the whole center of things is larger and wider that all of the whole and all that is…is considered beforehand….which I suspect is the case…and so….all that can ever be or will be is already considered with what is and already has been to complete a timeless whole of all things a the center of a new creation
      but and still
      even as any of u reads these words, the new realms of time and space are forming
      the daughter universe are forming
      and the parameters of these creations are not known to me
      are they superuniverses, as are, our own superuniverses?
      life is eternal and infinite
      and that can only be in GOD
      that and this is all that matters
      all things as GOD being GOD for GOD in GOD by GOD in GOD with GOD within GOD and inside GOD
      for truly there is nothing outside of GOD
      and so it goes and then even still
      it goes some more and even more infinite refraction is still existent in unity of oneness as being one
      one thing of endless
      eternal and infinite refraction
      a continuing and endless creation
      designed to maintain the being of the beginning and the end of it all at the same time
      the end was known before the beginning
      but if there is truly an end
      to something that
      ostensibly has no end
      is perpetual in and of itself
      no beginning
      no end
      this is GOD
      and that is what we long for
      even by your own standards
      and so we seek it
      for I cannot disagree with it as it is
      for it is who and what it is
      and it is all and one
      all things at once
      it is
      that is all I need to know
      and so I pray to fulfill my own part in it
      all the time and everywhere
      no matter what
      even beyond myself
      so that I may arrive
      please let me arrive
      at some point
      in the perfection in you
      that you promised to me
      that’s all that matters
      let us all help each other to get there



  3. Elaine says:

    Boy do I understand what you wrote. We may not have experienced that freedom but WE DO KNOW IT exists as we’ve lived it before; at least I have.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s